Valentine’s Day, 1990, will be forever etched in my mind and heart. A few days earlier my siblings and I found out that dad was terminal; February 10th was the date, and we realized all human hope was lost. It was even more difficult as dad had quit drinking in 1981, and through these past years I saw what a loving, fun, wise person he was. How sad it is to realize what you have and then know you are losing it. He felt it too.
I also realized how he viewed himself. As his spiritual counselor/minister, I asked him if he was ready to meet Jesus. He said, “I’m not that kind of person…I’m not a hypocrite”. What he meant was that he thought people had to be perfect and that since he was aware of his failures, he was not a candidate for heaven. I explained to him that a hypocrite is an actor, one who is playing a part. A person who is honest about oneself is not a hypocrite. I also told him that Jesus would forgive him if he would ask, that being the pre-requisite for for heaven (accepting His forgiveness and asking Jesus to be our Savior). He said he would work on that, and that was a big step for him because he never would commit to that before.
The key to the conversation was when he was crying, I was crying (I don’t think he ever saw me cry as an adult) and he said, “Can you ever forgive me?” Well, I fell into his arms and said, “Dad, I forgave you a long time ago.” He then looked at me with a puzzled look and added, “You really ARE going to miss me aren’t you.” “Of course”, I said through a choking voice. I think he never really saw before that the past was, in fact, forgiven, and that he meant more to me than he realized. I think it was important for his spiritual sight as I represented Christianity and God to him and if I could forgive him, then maybe God could as well.
It makes sense. How can an unsaved person understand the love and forgiveness of God if they do not see it reflected in the lives of the Christians closest to them?
On Valentine’s Day evening our family spent the timed crying and grieving together with him. I watched him as he looked upon each face. It both surprised and hurt him. He needed to see that he meant everything to us. Everyone needs to know they matter.
A few days later I was continuing to pray that he would understand and accept God’s forgiveness. Then, he lapsed into a coma, which was induced by the tumor on the brain. They gave him 2 two hours and we rushed over. I came into the room and with two of my sisters there. I spoke to his spirit and commanded the resurrection life of Christ to bring him back, because he wasn’t ready. No response, but then he blinked and opened his eyes. I then took the opportunity to ask if he had talked to the Lord about what we had talked about previously. He said, “Yes,” and nodded.
One of my sisters and I were with him when he passed into the arms of Jesus on April 3, 1990. Though it was very difficult to perform the gravesite and memorial services for him, I did it with a sense of triumph because love and forgiveness met him at the Gate.
How about you? Are you praying for you family, friends, but you have not forgiven them? They cannot see the salvation by grace unless they see forgiveness through those who are closest to them. If you can forgive them, knowing these things about them, they will feel free to call upon the Name of the Lord. Your attitude towards them could be delaying that salvation.
Last Valentine’s Day, my heart was broken, but my father’s heart was being restored. This Valentine’s Day, do the most loving thing, treat them as if nothing had happened. If they do not see it in you, where will they see it? Let go of the past to give them a future.
“Forgiving others, as He has forgiven me.”