Living Spring’s Wesleyan Talent Night – 2014: God Courted Us!
One PowerPoint sign says: “ssh – quiet in the court” and “today’s court rulings are unalterable; they will stand”.
First person comes down the aisle dribbling a basketball and is followed by his younger brother doing the same (Andrew, Noah). When they get to the front they realize it is not a basketball court. “Well, they told us to go practice at court”….
Second person comes down the aisle: A gentleman is trying to decide if he should court a young lady, but then realizes this isn’t that definition either. “I’ll bet this judge isn’t a Justice of the Peace, is he? Oops.” he backs out.
Finally, two women come in, carrying what looks like two leaves, and they begin to utter something: “A bay leaf will never say “leaf” me alone, but will add more taste to the soup minestrone. A bay leaf will try to keep illness at bay, if it’s dropped in your soup and its form still does stay.” A voice over the sound system tells them that, “We’re not looking for bay leafs, but for the bailiff, so the court session can start. “Oh, excuse us, the court officer we seek – bailiff is the name. He or she will keep a sense of order, for the process is the same? The bailiff gives a haunting look and a casual visual nudge, so everybody here who gets the scoop knows now that “here come de judge”.
Bailiff: The court will rise for the honorable judge, Scott Towels – the final cleaner upper.
Judge: This is night court in the superior court of those who think they are superior. Bailiff, what is our first case?
Bailiff: Well, Your Honor, it’s nothing too serious. It’s two seeming vagabond young girls carrying what appears to be pillows. What a sham! I guess they don’t sleep well most nights.”
Girls: If it pleases the court, we are bringing to light the plight of young girls in other countries that don’t have a bed, clothing, or anywhere to stay. These pillow cases are made into dresses for the girls. How do you sleep at night, Your Honor?
Judge: I’ve never heard that before, but this is one case – albeit a pillow case, that I’ll let go with no punishment, even though you kind of ruffled my feathers. It’s a good thing I’ve always had a heart for the little children. You may go now.
Bailiff: Our second case is one about free speech. This man drives a hard case from the right side. He must think he’s from Australia, where their laws for driving are a bit different.
Judge: Read your poem and Bible verses, while I go “down under” (judge hides under pulpit)..
Judge: Bailiff, what is the next case?
Bailiff: This lady was an adoption case, though this is not an adoption court. She will be playing a piano solo, as well as doing a voice solo.
Judge: I know a little about what adoption means eternally. It means you were paid for, even though your natural life was born in sin.
Bailiff: The next case is about letters, language. I don’t think there’s any law being broken here.
Judge: As long as he doesn’t use that one letter the wrong way.
Bailiff: Now we have a father/mother/daughter who are singing a song bathed in tragedy. Surely you’ll accept them because of the sympathetic value alone.
Judge: I am sympathetic, but everyone here is judged by the same standard, and no matter what has happened throughout their lives, they will be judged by my story – not theirs.
Bailiff: Your Honor, this next case is about someone who loves to play in the dirt, though he doesn’t violate the Minnetonka statute still on the books – 845.010 public nuisances – “It is illegal to drive a truck or other vehicle whose wheels and tires deposit mud, dirt, sticky substances, litter or other material on any street or highway.” This man loves what grows out of the dirt. He’s a garden of delight.
Bailiff: Your honor, occasionally a case comes up about water seepage and how one party can’t control their flow. We have a mother and daughter who will sing.
Judge: Then – grab your Kleenex and let’s have them come up.
Bailiff: Your Honor, the next case is a parade. The first one has dollar bills all over him, like he’s trying to buy your decision. The next one thinks he’s real good, so he’s bringing you a “Mr. Goodbar”. The final one (shakes his head) has different sizes of rulers because he wants to make sure he’s got the right standard before you.
Judge: Yes, Your Honor, they kind of look like they should be on “Let’s Make a Deal”, but you’re not Monty Hall and this is your judgment hall. It looks like two of them will be coming up to address the court.
Bailiff: Your Honor, here’s a nuisance about cats. I’m not “fe-line” real good about this one, but we have a litter of them and it’s all “fur” you.
Judge: Well, O.K., let’s not make this into a “cat”astrophe, or it will rub me the wrong way.
Bailiff: The next case is some folk who collectively have been standing around handing out tracts – literature.
Judge: What say you? Minnesota statute 169.22 says: Don’t stand in a roadway if you’re looking for business or a ride”.
Mr. M: Oh Your Honor, we’re not doing either. We’re sharing hope that only comes from Jesus, who is the only way. He provided a ride to heaven and came from there to show us the path.
Judge: You have judged rightly, according to the higher law. You may sit down now.
Bailiff: The next case is about noise ordinance. We have this group of ladies that practice at church and at home.
Judge: Do you sing after the cut off time of 10:00 P.M.?
Jane: No – Your Honor, but we might still be humming, if that’s permissible?
Judge: So then why are you here?
Jane: We think someone didn’t like the message of our song, which is “Beethoven’s Breath”.
Judge: Maybe you’d be a “breath of fresh air”? O.K.
Judge: And I know only one person who can breathe real life into you and He never has a cut off time while breath is there.
Bailiff: In most courts we would have each defendant come up and swear on the Bible. The truth is, everyone in this court has sworn on it, because of it. Or broken the vows inside it. We, in this court, do not have you swear on a Bible because your promises are already of none effect.
Bailiff: Your honor, we saved the worst until last – a capital crime: Murder.
Judge: O.K., Mr. M, give me the details of your crime for your allocution and we’ll see about a plea bargain.
Mr. M: If it pleases the court, Your Honor, I do plead loudly and really need a bargain, but I can’t buy my way out of this one.
Judge: That is true. Give me the where, when, and what of the murder.
Mr. M: Oh – I didn’t actually murder anyone, so I don’t understand why I was brought to your court?
Judge: Because according to my law book, hate is the same as murder and you’ve hated some people for years – and in so doing, you’ve murdered your own spiritual life.
Mr. M: Really? I never looked at it that way before. I guess I really need an advocate, Sir.
Judge: Yes you do! – and fortunately for you and everyone else in this court, I have already acted as your advocate. I know every hateful, prideful, lustful thought you’ve ever had; I know your sinful deeds and that none of you could buy your way into my good graces. I didn’t wait for you to be run over to provide the eternal vehicle for you. Your debt is paid, but you must accept and verbalize your sin before you can be freed. This is a night court and the night is upon us.
Final thoughts by Pastor Jean – You can decide if you want to choose the one who has courted you – and respond to that wooing, or you can wait until the court is really in session. Then it will be too late.