The following are simple helps to induce better responses in marriage. They are general in nature and a good place to start.
As the husband in your relationship with your wife you are modeling the behavior of Jesus and how He loved the church. A wife, will respond better to a servant heart in her husband instead of any frustration, yelling, etc., that is there. Children will likely clam up internally with the yelling and will ultimately think that is the way to communicate. Just a thought to keep in mind.
As a wife, you are to honor him and pray for your husband. He needs you in his corner, since the woman was created for the man. A woman’s desire is to want her husband to hear her – to hear what she is really saying, and when he gets upset and starts feeling anxious, as much as possible, stop and pray for him and with him. Pray for each other and let the children pray for both of you. That way you will be modeling the fact that the children are part of the solution and not a cause of the problems. In view of the fact that the you may be tired, stressed, and overwhelmed with the various aspects of life, yet it is important that the husband and the children do not think they are in your way or not valued by you. Nor should a wife believe she is in the way or not valued either. Psalm 31: 19 says “How great is Thy goodness, which You have stored up for those who fear You, which You have worked for those who take refuge in You”. As things are piling up and storing up inside you, know that God has stored up goodness, answers and solutions for that which you can not do on your own.
To both husband and wife: Remember what attracted you to each other in the first place. Make sure you say something positive to each other every day – even if you’re having a bad day. Make sure it is genuine, of course, but make an effort. Words can be darts and wound us, but they can also be salve to soothe us. Determine to take a certain amount of time per week or whatever is necessary and sit down with each other – and maybe occasionally with the children, and get what is bothering you out on the table (or you can call it God’s altar).
Be specific about issues, but there should be no name calling, accusations, citing another time when the other one did something wrong. It’s not helpful to connect the past to today or we will be pulled back. Direct all words and comments through and to the Word of God and always make sure you forgive each other daily, even if you feel like the other doesn’t understand you. God understands you both and He can mediate very effectively when we let Him.
Learn how you individually respond: If one of you was raised in a home of yelling, for instance, that person will do everything to avoid conflict and will wince with yelling and the volume will take them to a place of insecurity.
Schedule some time with each other and stick with it. This way you’ll always have a time you know you can be honest and loving and hear God and each other. Use words like this: “That hurt me” instead of “YOU hurt me.” Just like a parent wouldn’t want to strike their child with their hand, as the child will end up associating the hand with hurt, instead of love. So, don’t see each other as the enemy, but know that the real enemy wants to get between you.
Remember, there are seasons of life when one of you is more busy and distracted than at other times, so be patient with each other. How you treat each other is the main way your children will learn to treat their future spouse, so it is important for more than one reason.
For further help seek out marriage seminars, counselors, and pastors and various books on the subject.